What’s their story?

I have been avoiding being here.  It’s true.  I just keep putting it off.  It’s on my list of things I want to do.  I love blogging.  It clears my head, and I know God wants me to be here; but I’ve been avoiding it. 

I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head that sometimes it’s so hard to put them on paper, or computer, or the world wide web.

Even now, when I had a house that was full of peace and quiet; I was still avoiding it.  I went out and started weeding my flowers.  Yep!! I was weeding instead.

Here I am tho.  After talking with my son today, I finally know the words I want to say.

I have had so many thoughts and feelings the last few weeks.  It has been an overwhelming June for me.

Summer hit me like a ton of bricks and I wasn’t ready.  I will say I had some big life factors that came into play that affected some of my emotions; but it’s all good now.  One of which was not being able to drink soda anymore.  That’s a big deal around these parts, and it affected me big time!!

After a good long heart to heart with Jex this morning about some of his own struggles with life and teenagerhood, I knew what I needed to share here.

(umm.  ok.  He was nine in this photo.  he is almost fourteen.)

I knew how I wanted to sum up my life lesson, and I finally knew how to put into words how I had been feeling.  It’s funny.  I was trying to teach Jex, but somehow God was teaching me too. 

Jex is a teenager.  He is awesome!! We love him!!  You know how teenagers live in this bubble of not even realizing what is going on outside themselves. It’s a little bit about me and little bit about me!!

Today, we talked about taking a moment to ask himself anytime he comes into contact with someone, “What’s their story?”

It’s something that I have been thinking a lot about.  This last April during our churches General Conference meeting Sister Linda K Burton gave a talk titled “I was a stranger.” I have thought and thought about that talk. I keep hearing a particular phrase from it over and over in my mind and have for months.  I heard it again today.  

Sister Burton related this story in her talk: “Last summer I met Sister Yvette Bugingo, who at age 11 fled from place to place after her father was killed and three of her brothers went missing in a war-torn part of the world. Yvette and the remaining family members eventually lived for six and a half years as refugees in a neighboring country until they were able to move to a permanent home, where they were blessed by a caring couple who helped with transportation, schools, and other things. She said they “were basically an answer to our prayers.” Her beautiful mother and adorable little sister are with us tonight, singing in the choir. I have wondered many times since meeting these wonderful women, “What if their story were my story?”

That phrase, What if their story were my story, has gone through my mind many times.  It was brought to my mind again this morning as I was talking to Jex. 

I used it to remind him that everyone has a story.  Every single person has a story every. single. day. We wake up, and our story starts over.  Sometimes we have a good story one day , and sometimes we have a not so good story the next.  And over the course of a life time, those little stories add up to become our story.

It’s important to reach outside ourselves and ask what’s your story?  How are you? Have you had a good day? Can I do anything to help you today?

Jex really is very good at this.  He has also been very good at spotting when I have had a bad day without me even needing to say anything.  It was just a good reminder to him today, that sometimes we just have to stop and reach outside ourselves a little.  The use of electronics, becoming a teenager, and a little bit of worry about fitting in may have caused him to look a little inward the past few months.  That’s ok.  We all do that at times.  Sometimes we need to do that.  There are times when we have to take care of ourselves.  It was a good reminder for Jex and myself that it is so important to find true happiness by looking outside ourselves.

I have been working hard over the last couple weeks to look out side myself. I know that is what God wants me to learn. All of the those things I have been working on, I think truly can be summed up just by asking myself, what’s their story? and even asking myself at times when I need to be even more sympathetic, “What if their story was my story?”

Life as a whole can be summed up by learning to maneuver through relationships.  We have to learn to work with our spouses, and be the best parents we can be.

 

We have relationships with our parents, our siblings, neighbors, and friends. 

God wants us to learn how to be the best we can be as learn how to maneuver through relationships.  I think we could all do better in each facet of this if we took the time to ask, “what’s their story today?”  We can even ask, “What if their story where my story?” 

Most of the time people try to be kind and good.  We hope that people don’t go through life trying to hurt or ruin us.  When we feel like we are being hurt, it might be good to ask, “what is their story?” Is there more to this story, because I’m sure they didn’t hurt me on purpose. 

I learned a big lesson with this over the past month.  I let my emotions get the best of me.  I am going to call myself out on it, and tell you all about the mistakes I make. I do this in hopes that you know that I am real, this blog is real, and that we all make mistakes.  It’s important that we learn from them.

It was such a dumb mistake that I needed to apologize to someone that takes such great care of a few of my children.  I saw something with blinders on.  I didn’t ask myself if there was more to the story.  I just got sad and emotional(because we women do that sometimes), and then after the emotions got the better of me; I found out the whole story.  Boy!! did I feel dumb.  So I went.  I apologized.  I took her a treat, and hugged her, and said I am so dumb; please forgive me.  I ate my humble pie, but you know what?  It tasted good. It is good to be humble.  When we humble ourselves, God teaches us.  God taught me a great lesson about using my emotions to tell a story.  Emotions never tell the whole story.  I learned to ask myself, “what is the whole story, what is their story?”  The story is this woman is beautiful and kind and good. I am thankful that I can say that I know her better now, and I appreciate her even more.  I am grateful for her forgiveness.  I am thankful for the atonement that allows me to say “I’m sorry”, and that I know that I am forgiven.

This has also had me thinking about “What if their story, were my story?”  It’s a good reminder not to judge right? It’s a good reminder to lend a helping hand.  This particular talk that I stole this line from is talking about the thousands and thousands of refugees who need love and support.  What if their story were our story?  It makes you stop and think about how blessed you are.  What more you can do for others?  How you can judge less?  How we can take the time to learn more about others, and were they have come from?

I want to also take this approach in my parenting and my relationship with my spouse.  Sometimes I get so caught up in my own day and my to-do list, that I forget to ask, “what is their story?” Better yet, listen to their story.  My kids always have a story to tell, and am I really listening?  When they are grumpy about something, do I know the true source?  The story behind it?  It is hunger, are they tired?

Did I take the time to catch up on my husband’s story today?  Am I meeting the needs of his story?  Did I really listen to what he was feeling, and then figure out how I could help?

During my summer month one(June) of soul searching, humbling myself, listening to God, and learning.  I decided to make a list of 10 habits to happiness.

These are my habits that I want to work on to be happy.  I shared them on Instagram.  I thought I would share them here too.  I thought it might get you thinking a little about what makes you truly happy.  These are not things I am perfect at.  They are habits I am working toward.   Now it’s going to have to be 11 habits because I need to add, “ask myself what’s their story?”

My 10 11 Habits to Happiness

1.  Be Humble

2. Boldly trust in God

3.  Say something kind to everyone I come in contact with

4.  Live in the moment/find happiness in the moment

5.  Put family above all other obligations

6.  Never Worry!! It’s not worth it!

7.  Expect the best of others

8.  Always be kind- never gossip

9.  Be proud of my kids in all things

10.  Believe I am deserving because I am His, but never forget to express gratitude in all things

11.  ask, “What’s their story?”

What I have learned… Words, and a thank you to all of you.

Over the last 2 years, my blogging has become less frequent. 

I know I am not the only one who has almost given up on blogging at times.  It has been the whole blogging world in general. I remember just 3 or 4 years ago spending time catching up on everyone’s blogs.  Now, there aren’t many blogs left to catch up on.

Blogging used to be about sharing our families, homes, and ideas.

Blogs are now more suited to those who use them as a business. 

People read blogs less than they used too, and most of my friends who had blogs don’t blog anymore.

I understand.  Believe me.  Making time to put words here has been so hard.

However, I feel such a push from God to make this a priority.

It is a wonderful things for me to be here.  It is important in my life.  God often reminds me to be here.

Often times that reminder comes from you. 

because of YOU… and taking time to offer kind words to me.

Yes! you are part of the driving force behind blogging for me.

Often times, I am stopped in a store by someone I don’t know.  They introduce themselves, and say something like, “You don’t know me, but I read your blog.”  They then proceed to tell me that they love to read it, or explain how it has helped them in one way or another.  They often encourage me to keep it up. It’s little moments like this that make me want to keep sharing my thoughts about life and motherhood.

It’s also all those sweet emails that I get from people, or a lovely Facebook message.  All of those thoughts help encourage me.  They mean so much.

I can feel God telling me through you that words matter.  No matter how or where we use our words, they are important.  God has put it in my heart that it is important for me to share my words here, and through the journals that I keep. 

With that being said, I have been thinking so much about words.

Word are such an important part of life.

It is the encouraging words from others that often times keep us going. 

You… have brought those encouraging words to me.

I hope and pray that my words can also have an encouraging affect on you.

That is why I will continue to blog, even if it’s not as often as I would like.

I pray that my words will one day be a strength to my own children as they go back and read them.

I know that when I go back and read my own words, I recognize God’s love for me through the many things he has blessed me with, and that I write about it.  It helps me not take things for granted.

I think it’s important to reflect on what words we use, and how you use them.

You never know what your words might do for someone else. 

Whether you use words in a blog, a journal, a card for someone, an email, or a sweet comment on a blog, Instagram, or Facebook.

You are also using words to your children, spouse, and friends in your everyday life.

Words are written, and words are also put out in to space via our mouth; and then received through our ears.  Either way, words matter!

So… I say thank you for the words that you have said to me.  They have been a huge strength to me, and an inspiration to be more careful and thoughtful with the words I use.

….and that is what I have learned about Words.

Have you ever said…

I will never….?

Have you heard the phrase never say never?

Or I’m eating my own words?

As a mother, I have eaten my own words a lot.

When I didn’t have kids or only had one child, and I saw a child throwing a tantrum in the store; I may have gone home saying…

“My Children, will NEVER act like that!”

Then I had Stella, and I ate my words, when she threw many tantrums including a doozy in Lowes.  There was lots of jumping up and down, and “I don’t like you”, being said. I was so embarrassed…

…and then I ate my own words. 

It was from then on that I smiled and offered encouraging words like, “I’ve been there”, to any mother I saw who had children throwing tantrums at the store.

We moms have to stick together.

In my life, I have eaten my words a lot.

Every time has been a learning and growing experience.  I feel like I mature with each letter that I swallow.  I begin to understand life a little more.

I am really learning that “Never say Never” is good advice.

…and once again I am swallowing big letters that spell out the word N. E. V. E. R.

I have always said, “We will NEVER have a dog.”

Well, guess what…

The Swenson’s are getting a dog.

Meet Saba, pronounced Say-Buh.

  

She is named after the island of Saba that we lived on in the Caribbean:

This is little Saba when she was just 10 days old, and just days after my neck surgery:

  

My friend brought her over to make me smile.  I think this is my first smile after the surgery.  This is the day I knew that I would be eating my words, and getting a dog. 

She was literally the size of a twinkie that day:

The love of my life, I call him Loverboy, wasn’t quite sure getting a dog was a good idea either.  He loves dogs, and grew up with dogs.  He also loves me, and knows how much I like to have routine and cleanliness.  He was most worried about me and the change of getting a dog.

 

The he held her, she snuggled in, and he fell in love too.

We are all smitten.

She is a little Yorkie. 

She is still just a little puppy, weighing in at 1.4 pounds.

Saba’s mommy, passed away when Saba was just 5 weeks old. 

It was so sad.  I cried for my dear friend Heather who lost her sweet dog, Roxy.

This is my friend Emily, whose dog is the daddy, helping to supplement the puppies with milk.  It’s been fun to be getting a dog whose parents belong to 2 of my dearest friends.

The plan was to get Saba during the first week of August, but since Roxy, Saba’s mom is gone; we are getting her earlier.

 

We just found out that we get to take her this weekend.

I feel so unprepared, but I think that’s what I need to learn to do with a puppy; just roll with the punches.

So..  wish me luck, and remember…

Never say Never.

It’s good advice, I promise.

Summer Lessons

I love having my kids home for summer.  I’m not ready to send them back yet.  It’s amazing however, how I learn so much about myself as a mom when they are all home in my care.

 

Like when all four of them are yelling for me at the same time.  I’m not saying this doesn’t happen on occasion during the school year, but when they are all home during the summer?

YES!!!  It happens all. the. time.

My ears are beginning to get burned out, and the word “mom”, is beginning to be something of a naughty word these days. Especially when it is used 4-5 times in a row.  All you moms know what I’m talking about. 

The famous, “mom, mom, mom, MOM!!, talk that happens while you are busy talking on the phone or helping someone else in your house.  As if they are the only person in your life who exists.

What I have learned, is that they yell and all talk at once, wanting me to do, and be at their beck and call.  Then, when I need them, or I am trying to talk to them; their eyes glaze over. 

It is then that they don’t need me or want to associate with me at all. 

“Are you asking me to do something?”

“Are you talking to me?”

“Did you tell me to take care of that?”

“I didn’t hear you say that.”

I am beginning to feel like I am a micro-manager, and it’s a job I really don’t like.

Especially when those I manage don’t seem to listen, but need me for every. single. detail. of their life.  Especially the important details such as:

“mom, where is my stick?” 

“I don’t know honey, did you give me your stick?” I reply. 

“No, but I laid it over there so you should know.” 

“I haven’t seen it honey.”  I reply again. 

“Well, I need that stick for my walk in the woods with my cousins, I need you to help me find it.” 

All of this happening while I’m trying to enjoy a camping weekend with my family, and a conversation with my sisters whom I rarely am afforded quality time.  So this stick conversation is beginning to get on my nerves, and feel like wasted breath and words. Yet, in the same sense this stick is so important to my 5 year old. What do I do?  Give in and find the stick, or continue the conversation she interrupted?

This last weekend, we took the kids camping or “glamping” if you like, with my family for a few days.

Because I was with the kids the entire time in a small(I mean really small cabin), with way too much stuff, I felt like I was the manager of every item, meal, activity, and detail.

“Can we have a treat?”  “No.  We are having dinner in 20 minutes.”  Then begins the argument of why they deserve the treat.  “They, are just so hungry.”  I stand firm with No!  Five minutes later I see them walking around with a bag of chips.  Why did they even ask?  Why did I waste my breath?

Can we swim? “Yes, but put sunscreen on.” Then, when I asked, “did you put sunscreen on?” They would look at me with those glazed-over eyes like they had no idea what I was talking about.

After swimming, I would say, “make sure to hang up your towel and swimsuit, so they will be dry when you want to use them again.”  An hour later, I would find the suits and towels in the bottom of the swim bag. AWESOME!!

So what do I do now?

YELL?  I am famous for raising my voice.

I am also famous for lots of long talks about what we need to fix, all of which include that glazed-over look again.

I don’t like yelling. 

I hate the arguing.

I also don’t like repeating myself five times, and it seems to be about the 3rd or 4th time that I repeat it; that I begin to YELL.

And yet, I also don’t want to be responsible for their wet towels at the bottom of the bag.

How do I help them learn?

I am learning that if I just leave the swim towels at the bottom of the bag, it is a good learning experience.  It helps me from yelling, and allows them to learn when they go to use them again that wet towels are not fun to dry off with.

I think that form of teaching is called Love and Logic right? 

Well, whatever it is; I’m not so good at it. 

Mostly, because it makes me crazy to think about the wet towels at the bottom of the bag.  So crazy that I would rather just hang them up and scold them while I do it.

However, I am beginning to think that the scolding's go in one ear and out the other.

Or… it’s when those glazed-over eyes show up and they start to think about their favorite Pokémon card or television series.

To tell you the honest truth, I am sick of scolding, I am sick of talking, I am sick of asking.

I’m tired of being interrupted, and argued with.

Then I remember, I think that those things come with Motherhood.

I have to teach them.  That’s my job. 

I must find a way not to feel tired of it.  I have to find a way to get through.

My ears and my mouth are so tired.  My brain is spent from trying to figure out how to reach them.

So… I am learning that I have to leave the wet towels behind.  How will they ever learn that wet things must be hung out to dry if they don’t ever have to experience the fun of getting back into a wet swim suit or drying off with a wet towel?

They certainly have not learned it from me asking them to do it.

I think they have to experience it.

As I have thought and pondered over how I could talk less and get my teaching across more this weekend, I struggled to find the whole answer.

Then, I was listening to a talk this morning. I actually just clicked on a month and a year randomly from our LDS General Conference sessions that happen twice a year; and clicked on a random talk.  This is the talk I stumbled on, called Mothers and Daughters by M. Russell Ballard.  It was given in April 2010.

I was struck by this quote:

“Now, mothers, I understand that it sometimes appears that our children aren’t paying attention to the lessons we’re trying to teach them. Believe me—I’ve seen that glazed-over look that comes to the eyes of teenagers just when you’re coming to what you think is the best part of your instruction. Let me assure you that even when you think your daughter is not listening to a thing you say, she is still learning from you as she watches you to see if your actions match your words. As Ralph Waldo Emerson is believed to have said, “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say”

I feel as though this talk was hand-picked for me to listen to today. I certainly felt led to it as an answer to my pleadings with the Lord. 

It was so nice to hear him say that he too has seen that glazed-over look.

It’s almost reassuring to know that I’m not the only one. 

My mom has even commented that she see’s it in the eye’s of my kids too.

The quote he shared from Ralph Waldo Emerson struck me the most.

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.”

Do my actions match my words? 

When I tell my kids to stop yelling at each other over bothersome things, because it isn’t kind.  Is it then appropriate for me to yell back at them for something that bothers me?

When I want or need their help do I ask politely?  Do I then follow through when they need my help?

When they are talking to me, do I give them my full attention?  Or do I mumble around with the words, “uh-huh, or oh-yeah?”  Then demand that they pay full-attention to me?

If I want them to stop arguing with me, then I must be aware of my own arguments, and how I pursue them.

So… my summer lesson:

Let my actions speak so loud that later in life they might remember what I did, and not what I said.

…and I hope they don’t remember that all I did was scold, yell, and argue.

I did a lot of that this weekend, and I didn’t like it.

So I’m giving it a try:

Love and Logic, and appropriate actions.

Will it solve all the problems? NO. But, hopefully, most.

Am I going to fail on occasion?  Probably many occasions, but I’m going to keep on trying.

Being a mother is the most important job I have been given, and I want to do my best.

I want my father in heaven to be pleased with my efforts.

One last thought that I was struck by in this same talk came from this quote, and he was mostly speaking to the youth during this part:

“When you are willing to listen and learn, some of life’s most meaningful teachings come from those who have gone before you. … How much better your life will be if you will follow the noble example of the faithful followers of Christ” M. Russell Ballard

If I can strive to make my kids heroes, and those they look up to, the faithful followers of Christ; I think I might just win this war. 

Which means that I too must be a faithful follower if I want them to listen and learn from me.

Oh man, I’ve got a lot of work to do.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts here. 

I hope and pray that you might learn from the lessons I share here.

As mothers, we all have to learn from one another.

We are in this battle together.

Mom Guilt…

It isn’t worth it.

but…

we all have it.

I am sitting here at my blog sharing one of the greatest lessons I have learned during this period of recovery from my last surgery.  I think it’s something God has been trying to teach me for a while now.  It’s finally starting to sink in.

This is one of my “What I have learned posts.” When I share these, I hope it helps you on your path as well.  God is always trying to teach us something.  Just like we try to teach our own kids.  I feel the desire to share in hopes that what God teaches me; might help others too.

What I have learned:

It’s all about mom guilt.

It’s not even easy for me to be here typing away.  My back and neck don’t really appreciate it, but I needed to do something today that made me feel like me again.  So here I am.  I’ll make sure to take a nap when I’m finished.

This last year has been a year full of mom guilt.

For many many reasons.

I am transitioning into older children who want bigger boundaries.

It is hard to say Yes all the time.

When I say No, I feel the guilt come on.

So, I’m learning and I’m growing.

Last year, I felt so much guilt while I was sick, and then trying to recover from 3 surgeries.  It was 5 months of not being the mom I like or wish to be.

Right Now.

My mom guilt, is all about wasted summer days.

I hate wasting summer days.  We really only have a limited number of summers with our kids before they are gone.

I am still trying to recover from my neck surgery that I had 11 days ago.

While I recover, I feel like I am wasting away those days.

Then…

I watch my kids from the window play outside, and run through the sprinkler, play night games with friends, and go to the movies with neighbors.

They are having a great summer.

I have to let go of the mom guilt, and remember that I can’t be on top of it all the time.

I don’t always have to be the party planner.

I found this quote that helped:

I can’t necessarily get on with much work at the moment, but I am making big plans in my head.

…and most importantly loving them, because isn’t that really the work?

…and I have great neighbors, sisters, and friends; who help party plan too.

Mom guilt can come on at it’s worst when we see our neighbors, siblings, and friends, doing with their kids what we can’t with our own. 

We read blogs, and browse Pinterest, and Instagram.  We see parties, crafts, and games, posted that make us feel guilty because we are not doing them.

That is Satan’s greatest tool.

I recently realized, and I am accepting more and more how much I need my friends, family, and neighbors.  I can’t do it all. 

I need their help to carpool, or watch my kids for a minute.

These same friends, sisters, and neighbors, have made meals for my family when I can’t.

….and.  ….and

Most importantly, I have cried on their shoulders.  They have listened to me.

They have even answered hard mothering questions for me.

They have given me ideas or solutions that have worked for them in their own families.

Our friends, neighbors, and siblings, can be the greatest support network we have as mothers.

Satan uses our guilt to make it seem as though they are not.

He tells us we are not as good as them, we can’t keep up with them, or they are better at everything.

Well guess what…

Satan is a liar.  The biggest liar I know.

I found this quote, and I believe it to be true:

So to my friends, neighbors, and family, who have supported me through this recent trial and all of them in between; thank you.

I thank you for being my support system.  I am grateful for the eyes to see that God wants us to rely on one another; even when it’s hard to accept that we can’t do it on our own.  God wants us to celebrate our differences, and even rely on them.  If we were all good at the same thing, then how could we help one another?

NO MORE GUILT.

Thank you for letting me rely on you.

Thank you for making my kids summer awesome; and helping me let go of what I can’t do right now.

Thank you for checking in on me.

Thank you for your texts, emails, and cards.

I am doing well.  I am still in recovery mode and might be for a while.

I am happy to say that the surgery seemed to help my problem.  Time will tell further as the pain from the the actual surgery subsides.

Thank you for coming here to my blog, and being my friend.

You are a part of my support system.

Let’s promise each other today, that we will let go of all the mom guilt.

Mom guilt is Satan’s tool, not God’s tool.

Let’s rely on each other more, and judge each other less.

I will not let Satan destroy my self-worth or my support system through that nasty word called guilt.

….and that is what I have learned.

The speed at which I’m flying, and I have a HEADACHE.

Like a serious migraine, like lay in the dark and wear your sunglasses, headache.

And….

And… I have had it since last Friday.  Yes.  Today is Friday.  So that means a week.

One week of straight headache.

I want to claw my eyes out, but then my husband reminds me that he likes my green eyes so I decide to keep them.

I have never had a headache this long, I guess it’s time to get that neck surgery huh?

There have been times in the last week that I have wanted to back out, and then I remember:

“Oh yeah, I have a headache, I think I’ll have that surgery.”

My head feels like this:

I want it to feel like this:

The main reason I have feelings of backing out of that surgery is because of my cute kiddos.

I just don’t want them to have to go through all of that again.  (remember the 3 surgeries last year?)

I hate that there are days that they make their own breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I hate that I’m not there to help with a project, or do their hair for a dance recital.

I don’t want to be the mom who parents from her bed AGAIN; while I recover.

Then, I remember I have a headache, and I’m pretty much doing that now anyway.

So…. what could it hurt.  This surgery will help(all of you are crossing your fingers right now, right?).  When it helps, I won’t have headaches for 7 days, and  I will be able to sit through all of church, and not feel like biting my own arm off.  I will feel like being the mom I want to be.  The one with the super mom cape flapping in the wind.  Ok, truthfully.  I really just envision being that mom, but very rarely pull it off.(neck pain or not)

The least I can do is try and hope this surgery will help.  If  I don’t go through with the surgery I will never know.  Then I’ll probably end up doing surgery on myself anyway.  You know, chewing off my own arm.

So… I’m going to STOP feeling guilty that my kids and husband won’t have me, or haven’t had me the way I think they should in the last few years.  It’s life, and what we go through is what defines us.

My little trial is not only defining me, but also my kids.  Even though it pains me, because I want to be able to do it for her, I love that my 5 year old can make her own lunch.  She’s got this.  She can pretty much take care of herself.  If it wasn’t against the law, I could probably leave her home alone, and she could run the whole household.

Just last night, we were working on the laundry together, as a whole family.  This week long headache was cause for me to call in the troops for laundry back-up.  Tess was telling all of the kids how to do it, what buttons to push, and which basket it goes in.  The older kids would argue with her, and I would have to say, “no, she is right.”  I finally said, “if you don’t know what you are doing, just listen to Tessa.”

Even though I thought it was a bad thing that I couldn’t do everything, look how great it turned out; Tess can do laundry.

I have learned through this process that we don’t, and can’t always be super mom.  Our life circumstances prevent us from being the person we want or imagine ourselves to be all the time.

….and THAT’S OK.

I recently heard a quote from Michelle Duggar(19 kids and counting).  She was referring to the time that they had their last baby Josie at 25 weeks.  She was talking about what it was like for her kids.  How life changed for them when Michelle had to dedicate so much of her time to little Josie in the hospital.

She said, “Kids have a way of coming along side of you, and helping you where your at.”

It made me understand and realize that kids don’t have the capacity to understand how we feel about  parenting and the expectations we have for ourselves.  They can’t, they aren’t parents yet.  They do have the capacity to adapt, and come along side us no matter our circumstance.

(Jex and Stella circa 2006)

…and that’s what I’ve learned.  When there are times that your super mom cape isn’t flapping in the wind just like you want, your kids have a way of coming along side of you and adapting to the speed your flying.  Sometimes, they even put on capes of their own and grab your hand and help you pick up the speed you are desiring.  They may even be ok with their cape not flapping at all, and just climb up beside you in your bed.  Leaving their cape to rest on their back, while you read to them from the bed you’ve been told to stay in for a few weeks while you recover.  What ever speed your cape is flying at, for whatever reason, kids learn to fly at your speed.  They just want to fly with YOU.  No matter how fast or slow you are going.

What a beautiful thing to have been blessed with children whose capacities don’t judge the speed or beauty of the aircraft.  They just climb on board and go along for the ride.

Now, anyone have a remedy for this headache?

**Afterthought: Just after posting this, I found this post I wrote last year during my last health crisis.  It is funny to me, that it also talks about my cape.  I found it to be almost like Part 2 of this post or even part 1.  You may enjoy reading it as well.)

Do you believe in angels?

I do. I didn’t really ever realize how much, until this last year. 

Last year, I laid in a hospital bed for several days.  I had just had an emergent, scary, and painful surgery, that came upon because of complications from a previous gall bladder surgery.

The pain I felt from having my stomach cut open was some of the worst pain I had ever felt.

Just one day after my surgery, the nurses wanted me to take a few steps down the hall.  I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I was in so much pain, I didn’t even know how I would get out of the bed.  I didn’t even know if I could wiggle my big toe, let alone walk. I had remembered reading that we can call upon the angels of heaven to help us. I believed this, but I had actually never used the phrase, “send the angels,” when asking for help from above.

Artwork by: Brian Kershisnik

That day, I put it to the test.  I prayed hard.  One of my most fervent prayers.  I prayed that angels would assist in helping me take a few steps.  I prayed that I could rely on their strength as I didn’t know if I had enough of my own.

That day, as the nurses lifted me up off the bed to walk, I felt a few extra sets of hands take hold.

I felt the angels pulling me and carrying me down that hall.  Doing what was asked of me seemed so much easier with the help of God’s heavenly helpers.

Since that day, I have a testimony that we can have heavenly help.  I am now saying, “send the angels” all the time in regards to motherhood.

I think the experience of understanding angels has prepared me for current situation.

I need to have surgery again.  Ugh!!  Seriously.  I am too young for this.

This has been a very hard decision to come to, and I needed heaven’s help to make this big decision.

In a nutshell, with out boring you with the details, I am having neck surgery.

I am having a cyst removed.  This cyst has been bothering me for quite some time.  It has gotten worse over the last couple of years, and it took until recently to discover what it was.

This cyst is at the T1 level(which is lower neck/shoulder area), of my spinal column.  The cyst is pushing on the nerve that comes out of that T1 level.  My nerve is basically kinked in half, and it is causing me a lot of pain.

I am also dealing with numbness, tingling, burning, and shooting pains down my arm. 

I have lived with this for a while, and tried to push through life. 

As it always does, chronic pain starts to take a toll.

We found a surgeon who has agreed that we should do the surgery.

I was warned of the risks, as it is a complicated area to get to.  It requires going through lots of layers, some of them riskier than others, and also messing with my nerves. 

With all that said, I needed to make a decision.

Risky Surgery or  worsening Chronic Pain for a lifetime.

I knew I had to turn to the Lord.  I needed to know what he wanted for me. I offered lots of prayers. 

Our family also fasted and prayed on my behalf.

I also attended the most peaceful and sacred place that we as members of the Mormon faith have here on earth; the temple.  I did this as a way to get closer to God.

I spent lots of time in prayer there, hoping that an answer would come.

God doesn’t always give me clear direct answers.  I think that is because he is saying, “either choice is fine.”

In times when it matters most, I have found he always answers me in a clear direct way.

This clear direct answer came as I was reading the scriptures.

Helaman 5:47-48

47 Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world.

48 And now, when they heard this they cast up their eyes as if to behold from whence the voice came; and behold, they saw the heavens open; and angels came down out of heaven and ministered unto them.

It is amazing to me how the scripture passages we need always seem to pop up at the right time. 

I know God speaks to us through the words in the scriptures.

God was telling me to have peace.  I could feel the peace settle in my heart as I read these words.  Then as I read the verse 48, I knew he was speaking directly to me.

Since that day in the hospital, I have tried to be so much more aware of the heavenly angels who help.  I know that God knows that, and he knew just how to speak to my heart.

“and behold, they saw the heavens open; and angels came down out of heaven and ministered unto them.”

As soon as I read these words, I knew that not only would the angels assist me in getting through this, but that they would also be of assistance to the surgeon and his staff. 

I would let an angel perform surgery on me any day.  So if they are going to be around to guide and help, I have the peace I need to move forward.

However, because God knows that I tend to question things, he reminded me of his answer again the next day when I stumbled upon this scripture:

John 14:27

27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

The Lord is the author of the peace.  Through him, I don’t need to be afraid.

Then, later that day, we attended church and we sang a beautiful song, which once again solidified my answer. Here are the beautiful words to this song:

When Faith Endures

I will not doubt, I will not fear;

God's love and strength are always near.

His promised gift helps me to find

An inner strength and peace of mind.

I give the Father willingly

My trust, my prayers, humility.

His Spirit guides; his love assures

That fear departs when faith endures.

Through my faith in the Lord, I knew that I didn’t need to fear anymore.

When life brings trials such as this, I have found comfort in this scripture:

Matthew 11:28-30

28 ¶Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

A yoke is a device put around the necks of animals to harness them together.  When they are yoked together they work together.  When one animal is weak, the strong one can help the weak one along.

When we are yoked with Christ, our burden really will be light.  He can and will help us along.  He can help us through the hard times; if we know him.

God gives us hard things so that we can be refined, so that we will turn to him and learn of him.

I need so much refining.  Maybe that’s the reason I will have had 4 surgeries in about 1 year.

In order to get through this and grow, I must know him.

I have relied on this scripture so much this last year.

See, it’s on my journal.

I made a printable for you, if you would like the reminder too. (click on the print to take you to the FREE download)

The reminder to be still, and know that he is the author of all.  The reminder to be still, and take the time to learn of him.  Learn of him, so that we can be yoked with him.  If we are yoked with him, he can make our burdens light.  Our burdens can be light when we ask him to send the angels to minister unto us.  He will give us the peace we need.

I know that there are many out there who are praying to Heavenly Father for relief, for help in carrying your burdens of grief, loneliness, and fear. Heavenly Father hears those prayers and understands your needs.

So, when in doubt remember the angels he promises to send. 

Call upon them, they are there to help.

Fabulous

I recently read an article titled, “Fabulous or Ordinary?”  This particular article got me thinking so much about my own life.

Am I fabulous or am I ordinary?

WARNING: the word fabulous may be overused in this post so if you are bothered by fabulousness, proceed with caution.

There are so many women that you read about now days that are doing fabulous things.

I often compare myself to other women.  I say to myself(in my head, of course), “Look at all they are doing, I could never do that, I am not good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough.  I am not fabulous.”

When I start self-loathing to myself in my head, then I repeat to myself 3 times(once again, in my head):

“You is kind, you is smart, you is important.” ;)

I look up to all kinds of women.  I wish I could be like all kinds of women.

There are women out there who have turned their blogs into successful money making ventures. (sometimes I think my husband wishes I could or would do that; then he could quit his job. Maybe.)

There are women who are doing amazing service projects that are so big that my head spins sometimes thinking about it.  I only wish I was that cool.

There are women who are changing the world by helping people in other countries do amazing things.

There are women who are taking on new scary business ventures and are becoming very successful at it.

There are women who write books, who write songs, who sing songs, and all these leave us thinking about something. Words and music can change us.  These women change us.

There are amazing… well you get my point.

I am not one of those fabulous, famous, writing, changing the world women.

So I guess you could say I often feel as if I am just ordinary.

I wanted to know what my kids thought about being fabulous.

Do they think of me as one of those fabulous people?

I asked all four of them separately:

What makes me fabulous?

Tess said: “When you wear your sunglasses you are fabulous.”

Jex said: “All of your sunglasses make you fabulous.” (remember I asked them separately, oh, and I only own 3 pair of cheap sunglasses)

Stella said: “Your long hair makes you fabulous.”

Isaac said: “Your green eyes make you fabulous.”

I was so shocked by all their answers.  I didn’t expect them to have answers that were only about my appearance. 

It just proved to me that my kids find the word fabulous to describe one’s appearance and how we look.

So when we say that a person is fabulous, what does that really mean?

To my kids it means; you can be fabulous with just a $10 pair of sunglasses.

Maybe instead of saying that a person is fabulous, I should say that a person does fabulous things.

So then I rephrased my question and asked them one more time individually.

I asked, “ What does mommy do that makes her fabulous?”

Jex said: “You are a fabulous housekeeper.”

Tess said: “You are fabulous when you snuggle with me.”

Stella said: “When you run with me, you are fabulous.”(no running picture, sorry)

(so I found 2 holiday pics)

Isaac said: “When you plan all the fun holiday activities you are fabulous.”

It made me think about how we perceive fabulousness.

To my kids, the simple things I do make me fabulous.

Like making birthday cakes, might make me fabulous?

or braiding my girls hair?

or reading to my kids?

or listening on a bad day?

I don’t know? it’s all in the eye of the beholder.

What do we behold in others that we perceive as fabulousness?

In return, what do others see in you that makes you equally as fabulous?

It made me realize that we are all fabulous.  We are all fabulous in someone’s eyes.

I want nothing more than to be a fabulous mother to my kids.

I am, however, not a fabulous pregnant person.  We can’t be fabulous at everything.  We can’t expect to be. We must learn to celebrate other’s successes, and then in turn celebrate our own.

We all do fabulous things. We can’t be fabulous at everything. There is always someone out there who believes what we do for them is fabulous.

Those women who are changing nations, who work full-time and are still full-time mothers, the women who write novels, and take on big challenges like loosing weight and succeed.  I see you as fabulous. 

The neighbor whose yard always looks awesome, or the woman at church whose children always look so put together, and even better the mom who gets her family to church on time.  I find you fabulous.

The store clerk who always wears a smile, or the nurse who calms my fears at the doctor, and the woman who seemed uber frustrated at the store today because you had all 4 kids with you; and for a moment it got crazy, I think you are fabulous.  (I used to be that woman.)

But aren’t we all?  We are all fabulous. No one person is ordinary.  We were all created by a loving father, in a miraculous and amazing way; so there is no way we can be ordinary.

You may feel ordinary, but you’re not.

Just ask someone who loves you. 

Ask them what you do that makes you fabulous.

You will find that you are fabulous in someone’s eyes.

Post-edit:  I wrote most of this post about 12 days ago.  I had hoped to get it posted sooner, but I got super busy with life and actually haven’t opened my computer since then.  I hope to share soon what is making me busy and taking me away from this place I love to be.   However, something “fabulous” happened to me today and I just had to share it.  It seems so fitting with this post.

I was out shopping at our local Sam’s Club today, and a women stopped me.  She said, “I just have to ask, do you write a blog?” I replied, “Yes.” She responded back, “I just love your blog…..” and then she preceded to tell me all the things she loved about it.  All the fabulous things she admired, and even some projects she has done that she found here.  I just had to ask her, if she started reading it before I moved here or after and she replied, “before.”  This made my heart happy.  This means that this sweet girl has been reading my blog for quite sometime.  This sweet girl, made me feel fabulous.  I am not a famous fabulous blogger who is well-known, and gets stopped all the time.  It is so nice, however, when someone does take the time to stop, and tell you they admire something about your doing. 

So… Thank you sweet, and adorable, and fabulous, gal who stopped me in Sam’s today.  You touched me deeply, on a day I needed it.

Before I walked away, I thanked her for stopping to tell me.  This is a good reminder that we should all take the time to tell others that they are fabulous.  It is important to remind them that the things they do are fabulous. 

This sweet woman did that, right before we parted ways, she said, “don’t stop blogging, you are reaching people and doing great things; I just wanted you to know that.”

Today, I am thankful for this blog, my children, and that sweet beautiful woman who reminded me that I am fabulous; in my own way.

In a world of comparison, especially among women, it is nice to know that we are all fabulous in our own little way.

Tell someone today just how fabulous they are.