Saturday, August 22, 2009

Acceptance

Sometimes, it is hard to accept what we have been given.  We all have different stories.  Life leads many of us down different paths, and we want to scream at the top of our lungs, "THIS ISN'T FAIR."

I have to say that I have tried to be accepting of most situations.  I have adapted to the changes in our life.  The many moves, apartments, small spaces, awkward challenges, and husband with an unpredictable schedule.

When I had our second baby without Jonathan the only thing I could do was accept it.  He was miles away, and she was ready.  What do you do about it?  Although it was difficult at times to think about we have moved on, and we are so thankful for a beautiful healthy daughter.

Life hands us challenges that seem like a big curve in the road.  It is often difficult to feel like we are following the straight and narrow path.  When often times the road is not straight, and certainly not narrow.  Our road can hand us choices that sometimes make us feel like we are so far from the middle of the road that we are practically off balance.  With one foot on the concrete the other dragging along in the weeds.

I had just that sort of week.  We have had such a wonderful month preparing for school, and celebrating birthdays.  I just kept moving along trying to enjoy it, take it all in, and as always give as much love to my family as I could. 

Monday was spent taking them on there favorite outing of the year.  A trip to Toys R Us.  Yeah!!! They love to go in there, and between the 3 we could spend hours in there.  They had some birthday funds to spend.  After much debate they all settled on something they thought they could enjoy.  Then it was off to Sonic to spend some gift cards.  We had such an enjoyable outing. 

Our plan for Tuesday was a little grocery shopping to buy some needed lunch items to pack away in Jex's red car lunch box the next morning.  We had planned to swim with our great friends, and I had the dreaded laundry to catch up on.  To end the evening, we would go to dinner with friends as a little Back to School celebration, and then end the night with blessings for the children.

OUR DAY DID NOT GO AS PLANNED.

Tuesday morning handed me with contractions that woke me at 5:30 am.  I laid in bed hoping that they would subside.  Once the kids got up, and boy they got up early then I was up and moving.  As I made breakfast and beds, I noticed they were not stopping today.  Contractions are a very normal thing for me.  However, I started to notice the back pain creeping in.  Then the cramping and the sudden intense pressure. 

I quickly called Jonathan.  He said, "call your doctor."  Sometimes I so badly just want him to be my doctor.  However, I know how hard that would be for him.  First of all, considering he is not specializing in OBGYN, and also because he is connected to me in such a personal way.  So... I took his advice.

I called and they suggested that I get my prescription for Terbutaline filled.  The pharmacy was so accommodating, and got it right to me.  My friend with whom we were going to swim with offered to take the kids anyway, and I went home to rest.

YEAH!! The medication helped.  I went to get the kids, and just as I walked back in the door, they started again.  The medication had wore off.  My day continued with fear and worry about what was happening.

When Jonathan came home, we went ahead and gave the kids blessings, Isaac included. (more to come on this later)  I then asked for one myself.

With the kids in bed, I breathed a sigh of relief and headed off to bed myself.  I was hopeful I would wake up with out all the fluff going on in my mid-section.

The contractions kept up, and I could not sleep.  Jonathan got a hold of my doctor near 10pm.  He suggested doubling up on two meds, and seeing what happened.  Finally near 1am I fell into a deep sleep.  I needed my day to be normal tomorrow.  This is the day my kids start school.  I have to be there for them.  Will I be able to accept it if I am not?

I got up with the kids, and helped them.  Still with some pain, but I did get these little cuties off.  Don't they look adorable?Both first day

Jex is a big first grader now, and Stella is doing a year of Pre-K.

A friend took Isaac for the morning, and I went back to bed.  I was hoping that the little jaunt to school hadn't made it worse. 

Later on in the day, the help that came in was overwhelming.  My dear friend Tracy came and did all the the laundry.  Remember I was supposed to do that on Tuesday.  Amanda took all 3 kids in the afternoon, and brought dinner back with her.  Luanne also came with dinner, and then stayed to help with bedtime.  How do you accept all this service, and still keep your pride in tact?

On Thursday, I headed in to the doctor.  It was a long crazy appointment.  The results of it all were better then I could hope for, but still hard for me to accept.

The baby is thriving.  Her heart sounds great.  When I contract her heart goes up which is so important.  I am starting to slowly dilate, and have softened some.  I had several tests.  I have been receiving a Fetal Fiber Nectin test the last few times I have gone to the doctor.  They have all come back negative.  This is great because it can determine if you will go in to labor in the next 2 weeks.  I got the results today, and mine was negative once again.   30 weeks pregnant is not far enough along to have a baby.  I am happy she has decided to stay put for at least 2 more weeks.  Lets all pray for ATLEAST six.

What I realize now is that I just have to accept where I am at 30 weeks pregnant.  There is nothing I can do about it, and most important to me is the health of the baby.  So... moderate bed rest is how I will spend the rest of my pregnancy, and we will all pray it does not go to strict bed rest.

This is what I have come to accept over the past few days...

Someone else will be doing our laundry, and I will accept it any way it gets done.

My house will probably not be picked up or straightened for the next few months.

I have to let go of my pride, and accept help.

My kids will be bounced from friend to friend so I can get rest.

I must accept not being able to chase my kids around, and being able to pick Isaac up.

Dinners will no longer be prepared by me.  Someone else will be sharing their talent of cooking with us.

No more fun extra-curricular activities for a while.

I will accept that my family will come when I really need them to, and not when any of us expected.

I will accept my friends outpouring love, and kindness

I will no longer be cleaning toilets, and moping floors.(this one was easy to accept)

I will accept the service from our church family, as they remind me of the example of the Savior.

I will just say Yes, even when I want to say, "you really don't have to do that."

By choosing to accept things as they are, I allow many blessings to flow to our family.  A beautiful baby to be born healthy to our family, and blessings to flow to those who serve.

Acceptance is not always easy.  I have struggled the last few days.  It is hard to accept spending most of your time in bed. 

I will accept it, because this is a lesson for me.  What will I learn as take a little time to grow this child?  What will I receive from others, and what will they teach me?

I guess... it is easy to accept this because I can see the end.  It is just a short time.

Many times we can't see the end of our trials, which make them so much harder to accept.  There is nothing we can do about it.  This has taught me what it means to accept what we have been given, and make the most out of it.

I hope to learn more about acceptance as I finish this journey of growing baby Tessa.

We love you Tessa, and can't wait to ACCEPT you in to our family with open arms.  We welcome you....  just not right now.

15 comments:

Sheffer's said...

Oh, how I have been there, Andrea! I hate the side effects of the Terb., but keeping that little one inside is such a blessing. And how wonderfully reassuring is the Fibronectin test?! I'm sure you understand when I say how much of a relief it is to know that you have 2 more weeks of being pregnant. :D You will be in my prayers as you continue down this journey. It seems that bringing a child into the world always turns into a huge growing experience, doesn't it? You can do this. I wish I could bring you some dinner too. :D

The Coburn's said...

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. You are such a "hands on mom". Just think of all the blessing that are going on around you, with those who are serving and your family that is recieving.

I wish I was there to help. How lucky this baby is to be coming into such a wonderful family. Hopefully she can be patient for a little while longer.

Stephanie said...

Hang in there. I know it's hard. You are wonderful! Love you!

Eileen said...

I was so nervous reading this post. I wanted to hurry and get to the end and make sure everything was OK. I sure wish I could be some of those helping hands.

Roxanne said...

I am so sorry to hear you have to be on semi bed rest. I wish I was there to help out. Acceptance is a hard thing. WE will keep you in our prayers. Love ya and miss ya!!

Jamie said...

I'm so sorry! That would be such a challenge. I hope the best for you and your sweet baby. I have been reading through the last 5 or so posts getting caught up...your kids are just so beautiful and you are the most talented person I know. No wonder you need to REST! You are a busy busy woman, always doing such amazing things...I wish ya the best, you will be in my prayers:)

Jaron said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Andrea! Bless your heart for going through this for that sweet baby. Just keep that perspective of how short this trial will really be in the long run. I don't think anything will get you through better. I echo everyone else - wish I was there to pitch in!

Jaron said...

P.S. That picture of Jex and Stella looks like it came from a clothing catalog!

waldorf said...

You are such an amazing Mother!! I love how you describe everything with such passion. You are right this is such a small amount of time but crucial in your baby's development. Take as much help as you can get...you will one day be on the other end!!

Krysta said...

Those are a lot of hard things to accept. I wish we lived closer. Just remember that when you are resting and taking care of yourself, you are still taking care of a child, Tessa. I'm glad Jonathan pointed that out. I always think about that now when I KNOW I need to take it easy. Hang in there! Love your guts! :)

Emily said...

Woman! SLOW DOWN! I say love every second of your free help! It's not everyday that I have someone offering to take my kids, do my laundry or cook my meals!
:)

Angela said...

Hi Andrea, I really appreciated reading this post. I was due around the same time as you (about 2 weeks after) with twins. Everything with my pregnancy was so much different than my other ones and it was so hard to accept all the different/new things I had to go through. I lost one of my twins around 23 weeks. He stayed in there for another 3 weeks until my body decided it was time to get him out. I delivered both babies at 26 weeks. Long story short (although it was just 6 weeks from the time I found out I was pregnant with twins to the time I delivered-a very short time) I buried one of my twins this past Saturday and my other twin continues to do very well in the NICU in Salt Lake-three hours from me. It has definitely been a journey of acceptance of things that don't seem fair, but it's also been a very rewarding journey. Thank you for sharing your journey with the blog world. I always enjoy reading your blog. My blog is currently public, but I'm going to make it private again soon. Email me if you'd like an invite angelou22 at gmail dot com
The address is angelaeli.blogspot.com Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy-I'll be praying that your little Tessa can cook for a good long while.
PS Can you come decorate my house? =)

Tara said...

I'm sorry this is so hard! Ick! I wish I could be there to bring you dinner. You've certainly done your fair share of helping others' out, and you know we all have to take turns. :) Maybe it's time to take up knitting. :) Or watch a little Reba. :) Miss you!!!

Michelle said...

Oh, man. I am so clueless. I can't believe I didn't even know any of this happened until last night. No wonder you hadn't called me back about piano lessons! :)
I am so grateful that Tessa is still safely inside you.
I have more to say (and ask), but not in this public comment. . . .:)

ChicChat said...

Hello...my name is Camille. I am Karin Smith's sister-in-law. I stumbled onto your blog one day when I was blog-surfing. I have to admit, your blog intrigues me. I love all the post of your beautifully decorated home. I love that you are willing to share such personal things about you and your life. Even though I don't know you, I have been touched by you and your honest out look on life. I just read your post about your pregnancy and I truly hope everything goes well. My sister was on bed rest from 20 weeks and had her baby girl at 34 weeks. I know it pays to listen to the Doctors and take it easy. It will be worth it when your little baby girl is here and you can hold her. I wanted to wish you luck and I hope you don't mind me viewing your blog. Thank You~

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