Acceptance

Sometimes, it is hard to accept what we have been given.  We all have different stories.  Life leads many of us down different paths, and we want to scream at the top of our lungs, "THIS ISN'T FAIR."

I have to say that I have tried to be accepting of most situations.  I have adapted to the changes in our life.  The many moves, apartments, small spaces, awkward challenges, and husband with an unpredictable schedule.

When I had our second baby without Jonathan the only thing I could do was accept it.  He was miles away, and she was ready.  What do you do about it?  Although it was difficult at times to think about we have moved on, and we are so thankful for a beautiful healthy daughter.

Life hands us challenges that seem like a big curve in the road.  It is often difficult to feel like we are following the straight and narrow path.  When often times the road is not straight, and certainly not narrow.  Our road can hand us choices that sometimes make us feel like we are so far from the middle of the road that we are practically off balance.  With one foot on the concrete the other dragging along in the weeds.

I had just that sort of week.  We have had such a wonderful month preparing for school, and celebrating birthdays.  I just kept moving along trying to enjoy it, take it all in, and as always give as much love to my family as I could. 

Monday was spent taking them on there favorite outing of the year.  A trip to Toys R Us.  Yeah!!! They love to go in there, and between the 3 we could spend hours in there.  They had some birthday funds to spend.  After much debate they all settled on something they thought they could enjoy.  Then it was off to Sonic to spend some gift cards.  We had such an enjoyable outing. 

Our plan for Tuesday was a little grocery shopping to buy some needed lunch items to pack away in Jex's red car lunch box the next morning.  We had planned to swim with our great friends, and I had the dreaded laundry to catch up on.  To end the evening, we would go to dinner with friends as a little Back to School celebration, and then end the night with blessings for the children.

OUR DAY DID NOT GO AS PLANNED.

Tuesday morning handed me with contractions that woke me at 5:30 am.  I laid in bed hoping that they would subside.  Once the kids got up, and boy they got up early then I was up and moving.  As I made breakfast and beds, I noticed they were not stopping today.  Contractions are a very normal thing for me.  However, I started to notice the back pain creeping in.  Then the cramping and the sudden intense pressure. 

I quickly called Jonathan.  He said, "call your doctor."  Sometimes I so badly just want him to be my doctor.  However, I know how hard that would be for him.  First of all, considering he is not specializing in OBGYN, and also because he is connected to me in such a personal way.  So... I took his advice.

I called and they suggested that I get my prescription for Terbutaline filled.  The pharmacy was so accommodating, and got it right to me.  My friend with whom we were going to swim with offered to take the kids anyway, and I went home to rest.

YEAH!! The medication helped.  I went to get the kids, and just as I walked back in the door, they started again.  The medication had wore off.  My day continued with fear and worry about what was happening.

When Jonathan came home, we went ahead and gave the kids blessings, Isaac included. (more to come on this later)  I then asked for one myself.

With the kids in bed, I breathed a sigh of relief and headed off to bed myself.  I was hopeful I would wake up with out all the fluff going on in my mid-section.

The contractions kept up, and I could not sleep.  Jonathan got a hold of my doctor near 10pm.  He suggested doubling up on two meds, and seeing what happened.  Finally near 1am I fell into a deep sleep.  I needed my day to be normal tomorrow.  This is the day my kids start school.  I have to be there for them.  Will I be able to accept it if I am not?

I got up with the kids, and helped them.  Still with some pain, but I did get these little cuties off.  Don't they look adorable?

Jex is a big first grader now, and Stella is doing a year of Pre-K.

A friend took Isaac for the morning, and I went back to bed.  I was hoping that the little jaunt to school hadn't made it worse. 

Later on in the day, the help that came in was overwhelming.  My dear friend Tracy came and did all the the laundry.  Remember I was supposed to do that on Tuesday.  Amanda took all 3 kids in the afternoon, and brought dinner back with her.  Luanne also came with dinner, and then stayed to help with bedtime.  How do you accept all this service, and still keep your pride in tact?

On Thursday, I headed in to the doctor.  It was a long crazy appointment.  The results of it all were better then I could hope for, but still hard for me to accept.

The baby is thriving.  Her heart sounds great.  When I contract her heart goes up which is so important.  I am starting to slowly dilate, and have softened some.  I had several tests.  I have been receiving a Fetal Fiber Nectin test the last few times I have gone to the doctor.  They have all come back negative.  This is great because it can determine if you will go in to labor in the next 2 weeks.  I got the results today, and mine was negative once again.   30 weeks pregnant is not far enough along to have a baby.  I am happy she has decided to stay put for at least 2 more weeks.  Lets all pray for ATLEAST six.

What I realize now is that I just have to accept where I am at 30 weeks pregnant.  There is nothing I can do about it, and most important to me is the health of the baby.  So... moderate bed rest is how I will spend the rest of my pregnancy, and we will all pray it does not go to strict bed rest.

This is what I have come to accept over the past few days...

Someone else will be doing our laundry, and I will accept it any way it gets done.

My house will probably not be picked up or straightened for the next few months.

I have to let go of my pride, and accept help.

My kids will be bounced from friend to friend so I can get rest.

I must accept not being able to chase my kids around, and being able to pick Isaac up.

Dinners will no longer be prepared by me.  Someone else will be sharing their talent of cooking with us.

No more fun extra-curricular activities for a while.

I will accept that my family will come when I really need them to, and not when any of us expected.

I will accept my friends outpouring love, and kindness

I will no longer be cleaning toilets, and moping floors.(this one was easy to accept)

I will accept the service from our church family, as they remind me of the example of the Savior.

I will just say Yes, even when I want to say, "you really don't have to do that."

By choosing to accept things as they are, I allow many blessings to flow to our family.  A beautiful baby to be born healthy to our family, and blessings to flow to those who serve.

Acceptance is not always easy.  I have struggled the last few days.  It is hard to accept spending most of your time in bed. 

I will accept it, because this is a lesson for me.  What will I learn as take a little time to grow this child?  What will I receive from others, and what will they teach me?

I guess... it is easy to accept this because I can see the end.  It is just a short time.

Many times we can't see the end of our trials, which make them so much harder to accept.  There is nothing we can do about it.  This has taught me what it means to accept what we have been given, and make the most out of it.

I hope to learn more about acceptance as I finish this journey of growing baby Tessa.

We love you Tessa, and can't wait to ACCEPT you in to our family with open arms.  We welcome you....  just not right now.