Facing my computer.

I have been home from the hospital for a week today.  While I lay in a hospital bed for 5 days, I constantly thought about this blog.(well and my four little kids that I missed dearly, I thought about them most; but I thought about this blog too) …and don’t get me wrong; I am always thinking about my sweet husband too, but he was right there by my side through it all.  My kids were not allowed to visit at the hospital; 5 days without seeing them seemed like an eternity.

Yes, I thought about how much I missed blogging.  I thought about what I was going to write once I got home.  I thought about how I should write as soon as I got home.  I also thought about how important it was for me to get back here.  I knew this is one of the places that keeps me happy.  It is place for me to share, learn, and grow.  It is also a place for me to share words and photos; which are 2 of my favorite things.  I miss this place. 

So yesterday, I finally got the courage to face my computer.  I was a little nervous.  I was so afraid that it will make me feel melancholy and anxious.  I was afraid that I would beat myself up that I have missed recording so much in the last few months.  I was also afraid that I would feel overwhelmed by the amount of emails, information, and blogs that I haven’t kept up with. 

Then… the strangest thing happened: when I opened my Gmail account it said that I was almost out of space.  After a time consuming event of trying to figure out why; I discovered Google had backed up all my photos.  Google was storing all my photos which was the culprit for taking up all the space.  I needed to delete all of them from the storage, and can I tell you what fun that was for me.  What I looked at as a anxious filled time getting back to my computer ended in an afternoon spent reminiscing and enjoy memories.  It actually sparked the fire under my bottom to get back here.  It made me smile to see amazing pictures from years past and even think about the memories attached to them. 

It reminded me why I blog, why I record, and why I take pictures.

Instead of making myself feel bad for what I have missed over the last few months, this little mishap made me proud and giddy about all the things I have recorded.  I am thankful for that little mistake Google made backing up my photos.  It felt good to see photos that I haven’t seen in a while.  It also put a warm feeling in my heart that reminded me that I do want to be here.  It is time to come back and share at JandA&Co. 

I think all along I have wanted to be here.  Almost everyday, I would think about what I wanted to share.  To be honest with you, I haven’t had the energy and that is what it all comes down too. 

So… here I am.  Happy to be here.  Happy to once again be sharing words and photos.  Happy to see my energy slowly coming back.

I had a hard time trying to decide where to start.  I decided the best place to start is to share the story of where I have been the last few months. 

…and because I have been ill the last few months and I don’t want to share any pictures about that.   I am going to decorate my story with pictures of what my family has been doing all winter while I have been ill.  These are happy pictures, I hope they make you happy too:

 

(All four kids and Jonathan have spent every spare moment skiing this winter.  Jonathan has spent many days taking the kids to the slopes, preparing them for lessons, and helping them learn to ski.  I know this has not been easy for him, and has been a big task to undertake.  I am so thankful because all four of the kids caught the fever, they are excellent skiers, and they love it. Thanks Jonathan for giving them this opportunity.)

So thanks to Jonathan for dedicating your winter to our kids, and also helping me through this trying time.

So… more about this past trial… with pictures of winter skiing mixed in. (because I can’t write without sharing pictures)

Where have I been?

Last time I was here, I shared how I had my appendix out; and then ended up sick again.

I told you I would be having some tests done to figure out what was wrong.

I ended up having lots of test.

 

After weeks of continuously being sick, being poked and prodded, not keeping food down, and loosing pound after pound; they finally decided what was wrong:

My gall bladder.

So on March 6th, I was scheduled for my second stomach surgery in 4 weeks.

I went in for the same day procedure; and woke up in misery.

The nurse and doctor assured me it was just the pain from the surgery and the co2 gas they filled my abdomen with working it’s way out.

I went home to recover, and thought my pain from the surgery would get better with time.

Only the pain just got worse and worse.

After 2 days of hanging out at home in agony; my dad and Jonathan carried me to the car to take me back to the ER.

I spent 7 hours in the ER while they did painful ultrasounds, CT scans, and exams.

At 4a.m. they discovered my abdomen was full of fluid and took me back for an emergent laparotomy.

A laparotomy is a surgery which involves a large incision to gain access into the abdominal cavity. When they told me I would need a laparotomy I didn’t know what that meant.  I could tell by the look on my husbands face that it wasn’t good.

They opened me up and went through every inch of my stomach trying to find out where the fluid was coming from.

Turns out I had a bile leak that was coming from my liver. 

I have 2 accessory bile ducts that most people don’t have and when they detached my gall bladder from my liver they were simply missed because most people don’t have them.

(my neighbor suggested that I stop accessorizing;  ha. ha.  this made me laugh)

Only laughing hurts so bad, so I try not to laugh. Even though laughing brings the sunshine.

This leak was the reason for all my post gall bladder surgery pain.

This is complication that can happen, but doesn’t happen very often.

Following the surgery, I spent 5 more days in the hospital.

Because of how extensive the surgery was, and having 2 surgeries so close together; my pain was intense.

I was given an epidural for 3 days to help get me through the pain.

I was so thankful for that epidural.

I learned a lot about myself during those 5 days in the hospital. 

I hope to share more about what I have learned here on this blog.

It was important for me to first start with the experience.

I am home now.

I have been home for a week now. 

I am still learning a lot about myself.

That is why it is so important for me to be here.

It’s important for me to share the experiences life gives me; and how I grow from them.

When hard things happen we can choose one of two roads.

We can be mad and upset that this kind of stuff happens to us or…

we can find all of the good things that happen to us along the way, and learn lessons from the hard things.

I am choosing to follow the second road.

I hope I can share more of that with you here in the next few weeks.

I am happy to be back here.

Thank you to everyone who offered prayers in my behalf.

Your prayers were felt.

P.S.  Don’t I have the cutest little bunch of skiers ever?

I feel lucky.

I am lucky.

I am happy to be back here facing my computer.