Should we go yo-yo-in' or hoggin' ?

We were having dinner together tonight and I said to Andrea, "I was thinking about posting something on the blog tonight." She said, "So you're just going to post about how cute I am??" I replied, "Yes puddin', you're very cute... but I was fixin' to post about catfishin' on Saturday night." Look at me... we've lived in Arkansas for one month and I'm already talking like I'm from the south.

Arkansas is nicknamed the "Natural State"... and rightfully so. There are rivers, lakes, ponds, and trees everywhere. You've all heard the term "way out in the backwoods." That term doesn't just apply to Jeff Foxworthy and "you might be a redneck...." Everywhere down here is heavily wooded... so when a buddy of mine asked me if I wanted to go catfishin' Saturday night at a lake "back in the woods", I rushed home to get ready. I found an old t-shirt that had a picture of a gun, a deer, an old 4x4 truck, and a girl in a bikini holding a beer can. I promptly cut off the sleeves and frayed the edges a little bit. Then I took one of my hats and curled the brim in really tight, and rubbed dirt and grease all over it. I then loosened the belt buckle on my jeans a bit so when I bent over in the boat you'd be able to see some... you know... At this point I was READY. On the way out to the lake I was given the option to either go "yo-yo-ing" or "hogging." So I ask, "What's the difference?" Well in a nutshell... yo-yo-in' involves tying these spring loaded spools of line that basically look just like a yo-yo to the bushes and limbs that overhang the bank of the lake. You bait the hooks with a dough that I would describe as a fermented mix of chicken liver and baby poo. Then you feed the line down into the water until it is almost on the bottom and set the spring mechanism so when a catfish swallows your stinky paste it trips the spring and sets the hook in their mouth. Hoggin' (also known as noodling) is slightly more insane... only slightly. Hoggin' involves getting into waist deep muddy water and feeling around with your hands until you find a catfish hole or burrow under the water. Then you stick your bare arm in the hole (yes that's right... I said bare arm) and if you've found a catfish lair, it will usually swim forward and swallow your fist. At this point you scream a few expletives, pray that whatever swallowed your hand isn't a beaver or snapping turtle, and pull like the dickens! Now, in my opinion, you've got to be a few McNuggets short of a Happy Meal to try this form of caveman fishing. I don't think my patients would have much confidence in me if they knew my two missing fingers were lost to a hoggin' incident gone bad... as I try to suture the huge cut on their chin. On the other hand, if it's a patient that got that gash on their chin after saying, "Hey Bubba! Watch this!"... they may actually think their doctor is pretty cool.

Needless to say, I chose the yo-yo-in' option. After putting out yo-yo's all over this lake and putting dozens of miles on the boat, we caught over 20 big catfish and I brought home 30 pounds of nice catfish fillets. Now I just need to go froggin' for some big frog legs to make the meal complete.

P.S. My hands STILL smell like liver and baby poo.