What’s their story?

I have been avoiding being here.  It’s true.  I just keep putting it off.  It’s on my list of things I want to do.  I love blogging.  It clears my head, and I know God wants me to be here; but I’ve been avoiding it. 

I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head that sometimes it’s so hard to put them on paper, or computer, or the world wide web.

Even now, when I had a house that was full of peace and quiet; I was still avoiding it.  I went out and started weeding my flowers.  Yep!! I was weeding instead.

Here I am tho.  After talking with my son today, I finally know the words I want to say.

I have had so many thoughts and feelings the last few weeks.  It has been an overwhelming June for me.

Summer hit me like a ton of bricks and I wasn’t ready.  I will say I had some big life factors that came into play that affected some of my emotions; but it’s all good now.  One of which was not being able to drink soda anymore.  That’s a big deal around these parts, and it affected me big time!!

After a good long heart to heart with Jex this morning about some of his own struggles with life and teenagerhood, I knew what I needed to share here.

(umm.  ok.  He was nine in this photo.  he is almost fourteen.)

I knew how I wanted to sum up my life lesson, and I finally knew how to put into words how I had been feeling.  It’s funny.  I was trying to teach Jex, but somehow God was teaching me too. 

Jex is a teenager.  He is awesome!! We love him!!  You know how teenagers live in this bubble of not even realizing what is going on outside themselves. It’s a little bit about me and little bit about me!!

Today, we talked about taking a moment to ask himself anytime he comes into contact with someone, “What’s their story?”

It’s something that I have been thinking a lot about.  This last April during our churches General Conference meeting Sister Linda K Burton gave a talk titled “I was a stranger.” I have thought and thought about that talk. I keep hearing a particular phrase from it over and over in my mind and have for months.  I heard it again today.  

Sister Burton related this story in her talk: “Last summer I met Sister Yvette Bugingo, who at age 11 fled from place to place after her father was killed and three of her brothers went missing in a war-torn part of the world. Yvette and the remaining family members eventually lived for six and a half years as refugees in a neighboring country until they were able to move to a permanent home, where they were blessed by a caring couple who helped with transportation, schools, and other things. She said they “were basically an answer to our prayers.” Her beautiful mother and adorable little sister are with us tonight, singing in the choir. I have wondered many times since meeting these wonderful women, “What if their story were my story?”

That phrase, What if their story were my story, has gone through my mind many times.  It was brought to my mind again this morning as I was talking to Jex. 

I used it to remind him that everyone has a story.  Every single person has a story every. single. day. We wake up, and our story starts over.  Sometimes we have a good story one day , and sometimes we have a not so good story the next.  And over the course of a life time, those little stories add up to become our story.

It’s important to reach outside ourselves and ask what’s your story?  How are you? Have you had a good day? Can I do anything to help you today?

Jex really is very good at this.  He has also been very good at spotting when I have had a bad day without me even needing to say anything.  It was just a good reminder to him today, that sometimes we just have to stop and reach outside ourselves a little.  The use of electronics, becoming a teenager, and a little bit of worry about fitting in may have caused him to look a little inward the past few months.  That’s ok.  We all do that at times.  Sometimes we need to do that.  There are times when we have to take care of ourselves.  It was a good reminder for Jex and myself that it is so important to find true happiness by looking outside ourselves.

I have been working hard over the last couple weeks to look out side myself. I know that is what God wants me to learn. All of the those things I have been working on, I think truly can be summed up just by asking myself, what’s their story? and even asking myself at times when I need to be even more sympathetic, “What if their story was my story?”

Life as a whole can be summed up by learning to maneuver through relationships.  We have to learn to work with our spouses, and be the best parents we can be.

 

We have relationships with our parents, our siblings, neighbors, and friends. 

God wants us to learn how to be the best we can be as learn how to maneuver through relationships.  I think we could all do better in each facet of this if we took the time to ask, “what’s their story today?”  We can even ask, “What if their story where my story?” 

Most of the time people try to be kind and good.  We hope that people don’t go through life trying to hurt or ruin us.  When we feel like we are being hurt, it might be good to ask, “what is their story?” Is there more to this story, because I’m sure they didn’t hurt me on purpose. 

I learned a big lesson with this over the past month.  I let my emotions get the best of me.  I am going to call myself out on it, and tell you all about the mistakes I make. I do this in hopes that you know that I am real, this blog is real, and that we all make mistakes.  It’s important that we learn from them.

It was such a dumb mistake that I needed to apologize to someone that takes such great care of a few of my children.  I saw something with blinders on.  I didn’t ask myself if there was more to the story.  I just got sad and emotional(because we women do that sometimes), and then after the emotions got the better of me; I found out the whole story.  Boy!! did I feel dumb.  So I went.  I apologized.  I took her a treat, and hugged her, and said I am so dumb; please forgive me.  I ate my humble pie, but you know what?  It tasted good. It is good to be humble.  When we humble ourselves, God teaches us.  God taught me a great lesson about using my emotions to tell a story.  Emotions never tell the whole story.  I learned to ask myself, “what is the whole story, what is their story?”  The story is this woman is beautiful and kind and good. I am thankful that I can say that I know her better now, and I appreciate her even more.  I am grateful for her forgiveness.  I am thankful for the atonement that allows me to say “I’m sorry”, and that I know that I am forgiven.

This has also had me thinking about “What if their story, were my story?”  It’s a good reminder not to judge right? It’s a good reminder to lend a helping hand.  This particular talk that I stole this line from is talking about the thousands and thousands of refugees who need love and support.  What if their story were our story?  It makes you stop and think about how blessed you are.  What more you can do for others?  How you can judge less?  How we can take the time to learn more about others, and were they have come from?

I want to also take this approach in my parenting and my relationship with my spouse.  Sometimes I get so caught up in my own day and my to-do list, that I forget to ask, “what is their story?” Better yet, listen to their story.  My kids always have a story to tell, and am I really listening?  When they are grumpy about something, do I know the true source?  The story behind it?  It is hunger, are they tired?

Did I take the time to catch up on my husband’s story today?  Am I meeting the needs of his story?  Did I really listen to what he was feeling, and then figure out how I could help?

During my summer month one(June) of soul searching, humbling myself, listening to God, and learning.  I decided to make a list of 10 habits to happiness.

These are my habits that I want to work on to be happy.  I shared them on Instagram.  I thought I would share them here too.  I thought it might get you thinking a little about what makes you truly happy.  These are not things I am perfect at.  They are habits I am working toward.   Now it’s going to have to be 11 habits because I need to add, “ask myself what’s their story?”

My 10 11 Habits to Happiness

1.  Be Humble

2. Boldly trust in God

3.  Say something kind to everyone I come in contact with

4.  Live in the moment/find happiness in the moment

5.  Put family above all other obligations

6.  Never Worry!! It’s not worth it!

7.  Expect the best of others

8.  Always be kind- never gossip

9.  Be proud of my kids in all things

10.  Believe I am deserving because I am His, but never forget to express gratitude in all things

11.  ask, “What’s their story?”

Who you are.

I saw this quote today flash across the screen of the television while I running on the treadmill.

It said, What I wished I’d known:

…and I thought, “YES!! Yes!! Yes!!”

This is me.

When I was younger, I wished so badly that I would fit in.

Now, it’s my favorite thing about myself.  I love that I don’t fit in.

I pride myself on being different.

This is what I want my kids to know.  I want them to relish in being different.

I don’t want them to worry about what people think.

I hope they will be true to who they are.

This picture says it all:

We were having family pictures, and before you know it Tess breaks out in the Whip.

She just couldn’t help herself.  She had to be true to herself.

Then the other kids jumped right in too.

Be yourself kiddos, because I love you just the way you are.

(photos taken by Emily Chadwick)

Change: Learning to accept who God needs me to be

For many of you who may have been reading my blog since the beginning(it’s been over 7 years now), you may have noticed a slight change in me.

I used to be this kind of mom:

The kind that made a separate cake for the 3 children who celebrate birthdays in August.  (sidenote: I was pregnant with Tess at this time, and got put on bed rest the next day.  Maybe making 3 cakes did me in?) 

I did this because I loved doing it.  No matter how tired it made me, I loved being this kind of mom.

(FYI: I didn’t do it for praise on my blog or for my followers.  I did it for my family and for me.  I blogged about it for history.  I love reading the blogs that are full of fun party ideas, and cool mothers who make everything they do look beautiful for the sake of sharing pretty photos and ideas(that is great for them, and more awesome for those of us who steal the ideas). I do want to point out though, that that is not what drives me as a mother or a blogger.  Is this pin-worthy? That is not a question I ask before I post.  The person I used to be as a blogger and a mother, was driven by love and too many creative cells rolling around in my brain; that needed to be used up.)

Now, I’m more like this kind of mom:

You know, the kind that buys cupcakes from Cold Stone, and puts them out on a pretty platter to resemble something homemade. (I am stressing the fact, that I am not writing this to guilt people, and make them believe that I don’t think store bought cakes are good enough.  I think they are awesome, and they are way more delicious.  Especially if the cake was made by me.  Praise to the bakeries who save us mothers each day with their beautiful and delicious cakes.)

What I am saying; is I have changed. 

Life has changed for me, and life has changed me.

1. my kids are growing and keeping me busier than ever. Like as we speak I am trying to type this, load an app for their piano lessons, help a child with homework, get one off to scouts, tell one daughter why she can’t play pretend with water in her tea cups for the umpteenth time, and help another plan a late night with a friend.  My brain wants to explode.  There is no time for making cakes, and if there were I’m just to tired, and in too much pain.

2. my health has come along and just slapped me in the face. (I never ever thought in my 20’s or even my early 30’s that my physical body would be my trial.)  If there is time for cool cakes and such, and I’m not too tired; my neck just plain hurts. I live with chronic neck pain, upper shoulder pain, and a left arm and left fingers that are tingly numb; on a daily basis.  No! If your wondering.  I am finally putting it out there; my surgery didn’t help.

Because of that, I know that slaving over 3 birthday cakes is just not smart for a girl with my neck and arm condition.

So… What am I trying to say here?

I’ve changed.  For a long time, I thought that I had changed for the worse.  Have I changed for the better?  Not really.  I’ve just changed.  Not for the worse or for the better.

Making homemade cakes, or buying cakes doesn’t make me any less or any better of a person.  It doesn’t define me.

I have to be ok with the new person I am.  I have to be ok knowing that some days I have to just take it easy.  I have to be ok with the fact that I can’t do all of the things that I used to. 

I am a knew person with different limits and capabilities.

I have to be smart with how I use my time and energy.

It just isn’t smart for me to use up all my energy making 3 beautiful cakes, when I have laundry to finish or dinner to make, or! or! a daughter to talk to about not putting water in her tea cups, in her room, on her carpet. Again!!  Ugh!!  That last thing mentioned here is the kind of instance that takes up way to much brain power and uses way too much energy.  You think I’m kidding? Well, I’m not. My brain capacity must be limited.

It is smart for me to learn what my limits are. 

I’m trying.  It’s hard.

It’s hard to be ok with change.  Especially in yourself.

When you only see the negative about yourself.

When you beat yourself up for what you can’t do. 

I have to tell you the hardest part of all of this has been Exercise.

I used to be the girl that exercised every day.  Now I have to take it one day at a time.  If it fits in the busy schedule, and if I feel well enough; I do it.  Sometimes if I feel well enough, and I do it; I pay for it.  I have to be ok with that.

I decided about a month ago, that I have to be ok with the new me.  No more guilt about who I used to be.

God loves me either way.  In fact, he is making me in to the woman that he needs me to be.

That person just happens to live with chronic pain.  He is using that pain to refine me. That girl has had 4 surgeries in the last 2 years.  That girl has more scars on her stomach than she can count; including one that runs the whole length of it.  That mommy, has another one on her neck; that makes her feel self conscience when she wears her hair in a bun.

No more!! The new me has scars.  So what? Those scars are wounds that I wouldn’t trade for the treasure trove of knowledge that God gave me along the way. 

And… and… I like my hair in a bun!! So I’m going to rock it, and not think anymore about that scar.

The new me has to celebrate the scars, and the pain.  Even when I feel like crying because it never ends.  Sometimes the crying gives you perspective.  Perspective is a word that has played a huge part of my vocab lately. 

Sometimes I want to ask why? I really have to ask what? What now? What is important for me to be doing?

The new mommy with the busier kids, has to learn to adapt to the changes these growing kids are throwing at me.  Am I giving them what they need?

That is the most important what I can ask.  God just wants me to give them what they need.  I know it, or he wouldn’t have sent them to me.

Do they need a homemade birthday cake?

Will God only love me if I can provide them with an amazing summer learning all about the alphabet?

Am I only worthy of his love if I can hit the gym 5 days a week?

Nope.

I am loved regardless.

Change is ok. 

I am trying to adapt; without the guilt, and without the worry about my scars.

They all make up the new me.

The new me can be just as cool as the old me. 

So… I’m putting a new spin on Andrea:

Store bought cakes, less on my to-do list, high messy buns, trying to be a loving mother, a listening friend, working on the patience(as I have been for my entire life),and learning to be the girl God wants me to be.

And!! My gift to you: This little article helped me with my perspective.

I pray that you too can accept the person that God is making you.

All about number 2.

I have been trying to write about each child here on my blog, so I can remember all about them at this time in their life.  I have already shared about Tess and Isaac.

Now it is the second child’s turn.

Stella is almost 11 years old.  I am not sure where the time went.

About 12 years ago when we were contemplating having another baby, I had a dream about her.

In my dream, I saw this beautiful baby girl named Grace.

When I got pregnant just a few weeks later, I knew we were having a girl.

When she was born, we named her Stella Grace.  She was born in Utah, while her dad was away at school in the Caribbean.  She decided to come a little early, and he didn’t make it in time.

I think she knew she had to come.  The cord was wrapped around her neck 2 times and was choking her when she would turn her head.  I knew then that we had a smart, strong, brave, little cookie on our hands.

Stella met her dad for the first time in the SLC airport when she was 1 week old.

That has not stopped them from having a close relationship. 

Stella and Jonathan share a special bond.

Stella loves to have lots of friends, and is all about having fun.  She has always enjoyed having lots of friends. 

She is also very free-spirited, and doesn’t worry much about time or working quickly.  This has been some what of a struggle for me, because I always have my time mapped out and work very fast.

 

We have learned not to let it get in our way.  We are learning to meet in the middle.  I slow down some, and she will speed up a little.  There are many times I wish I was a little more carefree like Stella.

Stella came knowing what she wants.  She has always been very opinionated. 

She always knows what she wants things to look like.  She always knows what she wants her birthday cakes to look like.  Every year, I have to work hard to replicate her ideas.

She has always wanted to pick out her clothes, and has in mind how she wants everything to be.  For example, she usually has her Halloween costume picked out 6 months in advance. 

She was not very excited last year when I made her be Anna, because Isaac and Tess were being Olaf and Elsa. 

We took a trip to Disney for the Disney Halloween party, and I wanted them to have coordinating costumes.

She was not!, however, being Anna for Halloween at home!!  This was a battle for us because I put so much time in to making her costume. Once again, we compromised.  She wore Anna to school, and borrowed Batgirl from a friend for her evening with friends. 

I am learning with kids, it’s all about the compromise.

Stella discovered last year that she loves to run.  She took second place in the North Park Mile for our school.  She has such long pretty legs, and makes such a good runner. 

This year, she let discouragement overtake her during the race.  She had to fight her way to the front in the beginning and wore herself out very quickly.  Then she psyched herself out over it, and decided that she couldn’t do it.  She literally stopped when she was right in the front about 2/3rd of the way through.  My friend Emily grabbed her and helped her keep going, and she still finished in 5th place.

  She learned that day that she can do hard things.  This saying hangs in her room to remind her that she is awesome, and she has to remember that.

  I think that can be hard for young girls to remember.

Stella loves to bake. 

I started teaching her when she was three and she is pretty self-sufficient in the kitchen now. 

Last year, she baked with her friends for several days. 

Then they put on a bake sale.  It was fun to see her work so hard for something. 

She is a delicious baker. 

We recently went to the public library.  All she checked out were cookbooks.  That’s what she wants to be when she grows up.

She has always loved being a mommy.  She loved both times we brought new babies home.

When Tess was born, Stella was 5. 

She would hold Tess on her lap when she was a newborn for hours.  I would make dinner and Stella would sit and hold Tessa.  She tries to be the mother figure a lot with the kids, and I think it’s because she is the oldest girl.  It is so helpful when I’m not around or I need her help. 

The little kids don’t like it though when I am around.  They think she is being bossy.  I think she will be a wonderful mother.  She is very interested in babysitting for other people now.

She has been very good to help take care of her nieces and nephews.

Stella came to our house tough.  She rarely cries.  She is not the type of girl that wants to open up about girl problems or something bothering her, and just let it all out.

If she does, then she will cry!!  I mean really cry.  When she finally lets it all out, she can cry hard.  I just let her lay on my lap when that happens and cry it out.  I think she cried the hardest when she moved from Kindergarten to 1st grade and didn’t get to see her Kindergarten teacher every day.

  She just sobbed because she missed her so much.  

Stella had her tonsils out at 5, and was so tough. 

Since then, she has broken 2 bones.

The last bone was her foot.  She came over to me with tears on her cheeks.  She wasn’t sobbing.  She just let the tears roll, not making a sound.  I knew immediately that she had broken a bone, because she doesn’t cry when she gets hurt.  I knew it must be bad enough if she was going to cry. 

Jex has always been her best friend. 

They share a special bond.

One of her favorite things to do is just have mom all to herself.  She wants to go shopping with me, or just chill on the couch and watch a girl show.  She loves watching HGTV with me, or talking about house design with me.

Stella loves comfortable clothes.  She doesn’t care to be all dressed up.  She loves to be comfortable.  You will usually see her in running shorts with her hair in a pony.  This love of comfort also adds to her opinions about what clothes she wants.  She has always been this way.  At a very early age, she would ask me to cut the tags out of her clothes because she couldn’t stand them rubbing against her.

Stella has become an awesome photographer. 

She has a very good eye for composition.  However, she hates to edit pictures or deal with unloading them on her computer.  I’m helping her learn to love it. 

She wants to start her own photography business.  She might have to train her brother to edit for her. 

Stella is very creative, and always wants to be working on some sort of project.

She comes up with some great ideas.  When she plans FHE she puts lots of thought into it.  This is her photo booth she set-up for Family Home Evening one night.

Stella also likes to be funny, the life of the party and very sarcastic.  She is very witty.

Her favorite food is salad.  She really doesn’t like to eat unhealthy things; unless it’s cotton candy of course.

Stella started taking dance when she was really little.

After a few years she decided that she didn’t want to do it anymore.

Now, she has taken it up again, and has had to work really hard to learn all the stuff she missed during those years that she took off. 

I am very proud of her.  She worked hard this year, and made a competitive team.

There is only one thing in life that Stella really wants, and that is a Dog.  She has been begging us since she was so little.  She is thrilled that we finally caved and gave in.

  

We hope that Saba settles in, and I pray that Stella can do all the potty training. 

Stella has picked up skiing beautifully, and has turned into someone who can keep up with her dad on skis.

Stella adds so much to our family.  We are so blessed to have her in our home. 

I pray she continues to grow up to be such a fun, spunky, brave, and amazing girl.

 

I pray that as her mother, I can give her what she needs and embellish the beautiful qualities that she possesses. 

…and that is a little bit about Stella.