Change: Learning to accept who God needs me to be

For many of you who may have been reading my blog since the beginning(it’s been over 7 years now), you may have noticed a slight change in me.

I used to be this kind of mom:

The kind that made a separate cake for the 3 children who celebrate birthdays in August.  (sidenote: I was pregnant with Tess at this time, and got put on bed rest the next day.  Maybe making 3 cakes did me in?) 

I did this because I loved doing it.  No matter how tired it made me, I loved being this kind of mom.

(FYI: I didn’t do it for praise on my blog or for my followers.  I did it for my family and for me.  I blogged about it for history.  I love reading the blogs that are full of fun party ideas, and cool mothers who make everything they do look beautiful for the sake of sharing pretty photos and ideas(that is great for them, and more awesome for those of us who steal the ideas). I do want to point out though, that that is not what drives me as a mother or a blogger.  Is this pin-worthy? That is not a question I ask before I post.  The person I used to be as a blogger and a mother, was driven by love and too many creative cells rolling around in my brain; that needed to be used up.)

Now, I’m more like this kind of mom:

You know, the kind that buys cupcakes from Cold Stone, and puts them out on a pretty platter to resemble something homemade. (I am stressing the fact, that I am not writing this to guilt people, and make them believe that I don’t think store bought cakes are good enough.  I think they are awesome, and they are way more delicious.  Especially if the cake was made by me.  Praise to the bakeries who save us mothers each day with their beautiful and delicious cakes.)

What I am saying; is I have changed. 

Life has changed for me, and life has changed me.

1. my kids are growing and keeping me busier than ever. Like as we speak I am trying to type this, load an app for their piano lessons, help a child with homework, get one off to scouts, tell one daughter why she can’t play pretend with water in her tea cups for the umpteenth time, and help another plan a late night with a friend.  My brain wants to explode.  There is no time for making cakes, and if there were I’m just to tired, and in too much pain.

2. my health has come along and just slapped me in the face. (I never ever thought in my 20’s or even my early 30’s that my physical body would be my trial.)  If there is time for cool cakes and such, and I’m not too tired; my neck just plain hurts. I live with chronic neck pain, upper shoulder pain, and a left arm and left fingers that are tingly numb; on a daily basis.  No! If your wondering.  I am finally putting it out there; my surgery didn’t help.

Because of that, I know that slaving over 3 birthday cakes is just not smart for a girl with my neck and arm condition.

So… What am I trying to say here?

I’ve changed.  For a long time, I thought that I had changed for the worse.  Have I changed for the better?  Not really.  I’ve just changed.  Not for the worse or for the better.

Making homemade cakes, or buying cakes doesn’t make me any less or any better of a person.  It doesn’t define me.

I have to be ok with the new person I am.  I have to be ok knowing that some days I have to just take it easy.  I have to be ok with the fact that I can’t do all of the things that I used to. 

I am a knew person with different limits and capabilities.

I have to be smart with how I use my time and energy.

It just isn’t smart for me to use up all my energy making 3 beautiful cakes, when I have laundry to finish or dinner to make, or! or! a daughter to talk to about not putting water in her tea cups, in her room, on her carpet. Again!!  Ugh!!  That last thing mentioned here is the kind of instance that takes up way to much brain power and uses way too much energy.  You think I’m kidding? Well, I’m not. My brain capacity must be limited.

It is smart for me to learn what my limits are. 

I’m trying.  It’s hard.

It’s hard to be ok with change.  Especially in yourself.

When you only see the negative about yourself.

When you beat yourself up for what you can’t do. 

I have to tell you the hardest part of all of this has been Exercise.

I used to be the girl that exercised every day.  Now I have to take it one day at a time.  If it fits in the busy schedule, and if I feel well enough; I do it.  Sometimes if I feel well enough, and I do it; I pay for it.  I have to be ok with that.

I decided about a month ago, that I have to be ok with the new me.  No more guilt about who I used to be.

God loves me either way.  In fact, he is making me in to the woman that he needs me to be.

That person just happens to live with chronic pain.  He is using that pain to refine me. That girl has had 4 surgeries in the last 2 years.  That girl has more scars on her stomach than she can count; including one that runs the whole length of it.  That mommy, has another one on her neck; that makes her feel self conscience when she wears her hair in a bun.

No more!! The new me has scars.  So what? Those scars are wounds that I wouldn’t trade for the treasure trove of knowledge that God gave me along the way. 

And… and… I like my hair in a bun!! So I’m going to rock it, and not think anymore about that scar.

The new me has to celebrate the scars, and the pain.  Even when I feel like crying because it never ends.  Sometimes the crying gives you perspective.  Perspective is a word that has played a huge part of my vocab lately. 

Sometimes I want to ask why? I really have to ask what? What now? What is important for me to be doing?

The new mommy with the busier kids, has to learn to adapt to the changes these growing kids are throwing at me.  Am I giving them what they need?

That is the most important what I can ask.  God just wants me to give them what they need.  I know it, or he wouldn’t have sent them to me.

Do they need a homemade birthday cake?

Will God only love me if I can provide them with an amazing summer learning all about the alphabet?

Am I only worthy of his love if I can hit the gym 5 days a week?

Nope.

I am loved regardless.

Change is ok. 

I am trying to adapt; without the guilt, and without the worry about my scars.

They all make up the new me.

The new me can be just as cool as the old me. 

So… I’m putting a new spin on Andrea:

Store bought cakes, less on my to-do list, high messy buns, trying to be a loving mother, a listening friend, working on the patience(as I have been for my entire life),and learning to be the girl God wants me to be.

And!! My gift to you: This little article helped me with my perspective.

I pray that you too can accept the person that God is making you.

A few Favorites:

We recently just got back from one of my favorite places.

Yes!! the happiest place on Earth.

It got me thinking about some favorite things I have come upon lately.

A few favorite recipes:

Cooking in my crockpot is a must.  We loved this new recipe:

Buffalo Chicken Pasta

When I was recovering after my 3rd surgery, a neighbor brought by the most delicious banana bars.  I couldn’t stop thinking about them.  I looked them up on Pinterest, and found this recipe:

Browned Butter Banana Bars

(say that 5 times fast)

They are delicious.  They are really good cold.  I love desserts when they come out of the fridge.  Yum!!

I have a few favorite television shows that I watch.  My all-time favorite is Fixer Upper on HGTV.

I found this little video made by the star of the show.

It’s my favorite thing that she isn’t afraid to talk about God, or the importance of being a mother.

I love how she says that we need to let God’s father heart into our life, and trust that we are his children.  She stresses the importance of not believing the lies that we tell ourselves; like we aren’t good enough.

It makes me love the show even more.  I love women who stand up for the parts of life that are truly important like; motherhood and God.

I also found this favorite article on the web called:

What would mom do?(drink Tab and lock us outside) by Jen Hatmaker

This gave me lots of good things to think about.  I also just read that she has a brand new book out called:

“For the Love”

I’m off to find it.  Maybe it will be a new favorite too, or you’ll find a favorite.

I’ll keep you posted, and you let me know if you find any of these things as helpful as I did.

Back to School Feast and introduction of our Family Theme 2015!

There are traditions in our family that I love, and this happens to be one of those.  This is one of those nights that I couldn’t give up.  This tradition is worth the work involved.

We have normally done our dinner the night before school starts.  This year I decided to do it a couple of days before.  The kids all happened to be out and about as I got it all ready.

And when the kids came home, they each let out the most pleasing sound, the kind of giggle or sigh that tells you they are excited and happy.

This is what they came home too:

An important dinner requires a beautiful setting.

Let’s face it, summer is busy.  Back to school time is even busier.  So, keeping it as simple as possible is important. Candles on the table can make anything feel special, and lighting a candle is as simple as can be.

This scrabble light banner is something I picked up at TJMaxx.  It is awesome.  It comes with reusable letter stickers so you can change what it says. 

In order to follow through with those important traditions, I think it’s key to make them feel special without spending more time than necessary. Like simply rolling wrapping paper down the middle of the table for a unique table runner.  Use what you have, shop your house, and keep. it. simple.

I kept our dinner simple this year.  I put dinner in the Crockpot in the morning, and then it was all ready at dinner time.  Easy Peasy.

This year we had roast, potatoes, and carrots.  This is such a delicious and easy meal.

I make our roast with a nice roast, some potatoes cubed, some baby carrots, a can of beef broth, a can of beefy mushroom soup, and an onion soup packet.  All of that thrown in the crockpot in the am, cook low and slow, and wa-la; an easy peasy meal.

In year’s past, Jonathan and I decide our family theme just a few days or weeks before back to school.  This year, we had it picked out several months in advance.

We just felt so strongly that this was to benefit our family.  I thought that it was picked out special for one child in particular.  Little did I know, that this theme would prove to be more for me than anyone; more on that little later.

Our theme this year is:

Our Scripture to go with it:

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Phillipians 4:13

I wanted the kids to have something with them this year at school to serve as a reminder of our theme.  I made these guitar pic key chains to hang on their back packs.

You can tell I am no pro at this, but they are made by me with love.

How: I bought the guitar pics in the jewelry section of Hobby Lobby.  Then I bought a metal stamp set from Harbor Freight.  I used my hammer to stamp it out on the metal.  Then I used a black sharpie marker to fill in the letters.  Rubbing Alcohol takes off the excess marker.

I used a small jump ring to attach to their zippers on their backpacks.

I also made each family member a journal to record their thoughts on what is hard, and how they got through it.  We are taking a moment each week to record and think about what is hard in our life, and how we will conquer it at our regular Monday night Family Home Evenings.

Journal How to: A small notebook from Walmart, printable made by me printed from local print shop, washi-tape to adhere the print to the front, and a fun pen to go with it.

Printable:

Click on the image to take you to the FREE download.  Download will not say Swenson Family Theme at the bottom. This is a 4x6 size.

No party is complete without a party favor:

A little bowl of delicious “hard” candies, and a tag that reads:

Click on Photo to take you to the FREE download.  This particular download will actually have 6 to a page and should be printed as an 8x10.

Once our meal was complete we talked more about our family theme, and how we can be strengthened through Christ to do what we think is impossible.

We also watched this clip:

You are never alone

I then shared my thoughts on the atonement of Jesus Christ, and how I know that he already suffered for the hard things that make us feel sad, upset, or worthless.  He knows what we are feeling.  He can help us through all of the hard.

We wrapped up our night with our tradition of Father’s blessings.  Jonathan gave each child a beautiful blessing that gave them counsel and guidance on how to have a successful school year.

This is such a special and sacred tradition.  I know it is a great way to start the school year.

I love my Family.

After the blessings, we went out for ice cream.

It’s moments like this that I hope our kids remember.  I hope they see that there are extra ordinary moments in their life that they will look back on a realize they helped make them extraordinary people; which I get on my knees each night and pray they will become.

Some beautiful thoughts on how we get through the hard things, and what hard things can do for us.

Bear up their burden’s with ease.

The Load Video

The Refiner’s Fire

The Refiner’s Fire Video

As I said before, this family theme applies to me a whole lot right now.  I plan to share more about that soon.

Stay tuned…