My cape.

I wanted to stop and take a minute here at a place that used to be my second home; and say a little hello.

I have missed this place.

To be honest; I haven’t had the energy, the thoughts, or the brain power to put down the words that I so desperately wanted to.

Last time I blogged I talked about how I had been kicked in the stomach.

Well, I spoke too soon; I was talking about the stomach flu.  Our family experienced the stomach flu like so many of you I am sure.  It took an entire month to work through all six of us.  Between Christmas and the flu it kind of knocked me off my feet.

Then…

Just days after posting that last post.  I really did get kicked in the stomach.  I became ill.

A sick that is far worse then any stomach flu.

The stomach flu goes away after 24 hours; I am going on a few weeks of this. 

After weeks of suffering, trying to live through it, and barely getting anything done; I made a nightly visit to the ER.

They discovered that my appendix was sick and decided to do an appendectomy the following day.

I survived that, and after a week I felt like I was getting back on my feet.

Until, I got kicked again and started with the same stomach ache/back ache all over again.

Tomorrow, I will have another procedure to help determine what may be wrong.

Every. single. day.  I have told myself that I would get up and blog today.  I even have a few posts on my computer that I started.

Every day, I couldn’t find the energy.  I didn’t have the brain power.

I also realize how important it is to share the good and the bad, and I think I would feel bad if their wasn’t something here shared during this trial.  I share these thoughts not so you will feel bad for me, but so you know and understand that I am real.  I have real problems and experiences.  I have sorrow and pain.  I would be remised if I didn’t jot this down for my own good. 

I have been using the energy that I have to take care of what I can around here.

I have been using my energy to figure out who I am.  I feel really lost.

I miss being a good mom.

I miss making meals for my family.

I miss taking care of things for my husband.

I miss serving others.

I miss being here.

Through all of this, I have read many sermons on Enduring to the End.

All of which inspire me to try hard each day to give it what I can.

After a sweet prayer from my husband last night, I realized that this is not my season to be Super Woman.

(I thrive on wearing the cape and getting as much done in a day as I can)

My season right now is to just take care of myself, and rely on the help of others.

It’s also a good time to teach my children how to take care of things.  How to complete the tasks that I do for them so often; without my help.

It’s a time for me to learn that everything doesn’t have to be perfect.

Last night just after the kids had gone to bed, Stella came in my room to ask if I needed anything.

I asked if she would bring me some ice water.

Upon doing so she realized that the dishes need to be unloaded from the dishwasher and loaded from the sink to the dishwasher.

She took care of that for me.  It was a humble reminder that my kids do notice what I do; and how I don’t like to go to bed with dishes in the the sink.

I am thankful that somewhere along the way Stella learned about service.  She learned how good it can make her feel.

With so much down time, I am trying to focus less on their physical needs and more on there emotional needs.

I may not be able to cook them glorious meals but  I can spend all the time in the world laying on my bed talking to them.  I am trying to do more of that.

I pray that I can soon return to my cape.  I like being healthy.

Although, I have learned that I don’ t  have to wear the cape everyday. 

Some times, it’s ok to pass the cape on to someone else.

Thanks for being here and reading my thoughts.  I pray that I have the energy to be here more often.

Thanks to all of you who have reached out to me; just to make sure I am ok.